I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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