I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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