dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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