i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
