um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
