a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
