god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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