I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
