please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
