Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
