So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
