I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
