but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
