There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
