so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
