just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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