if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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