Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
