Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
