i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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