I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize