Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up under a house in Key West
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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