my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
