If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
