he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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