I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize