On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
