I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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