My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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