happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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