the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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