therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
