i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
