i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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