sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
