What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
