Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
