i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize