OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
