I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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