i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What a dumb baby whore.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
