whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
