you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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