I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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