Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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