It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
