my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
