I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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