I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
