It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
