3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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