I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
