Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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