Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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