i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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