She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
