Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize