Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
