And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize