We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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