Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
