I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
