Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
