btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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