He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
