ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
