The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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