Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
