I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just blew my weed a kiss
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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