dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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