what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
