Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Swine flu is the new snow day.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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