like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
