Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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